CLASSIFIED — SBI-EYES-ONLY The following materials were released to the public under FOIA Petition SW-014-2024. The Department neither confirms nor denies the existence of any subjects depicted herein. SBI-EYES-ONLY — CLASSIFIED
Special Agent Pat Briney at golden hour overlooking the Sonoran Desert with the lights of Phoenix in the distance.

Phoenix · Sonora · Mogollon Rim · Est. 1978

The Federal
Cryptid Bureau.

"Persequimur Quod Non Existit."

The Department of the Interior's Southwest Field Division: standing watch over 114,007 square miles of desert, rim, and high country since 1978, against subjects the Department neither confirms nor denies.

↳ Special Agent in Charge · P. BRINEY · SW-014

Subject Registry File a FOIA Request

I — Mandate

A Quiet Corner of the Department of the Interior.

Established by Executive Order in 1978, the Bureau operates under the joint signature of the Department of the Interior and a separate authority the Bureau has been advised not to name. Funding is appropriated annually under line item 4407-Δ ("desert reconnaissance, miscellaneous").

The Southwest Field Division maintains investigative jurisdiction across the Greater Phoenix Metropolitan Area, the Sonoran Desert sector (Arizona and Sonora, by mutual non-arrangement), the Mogollon Rim, the Painted Desert, and the lower elevations of the San Francisco Peaks. The Bureau does not enter Navajo Nation lands. The Bureau respects this boundary without reservation.

The Division operates from a fortified field office in [REDACTED], Phoenix, AZ. The office maintains a vehicle fleet of four (4) Jeep Cherokees, one (1) decommissioned ice cream truck (operational reasons), and a butterfly net inventory described by the Comptroller as "non-standard."

The Bureau's standing operational posture is one of quiet observation. Acquisition is undertaken only when the subject is judged to be — in the Bureau's published Field Manual §4.1 — "behaving in a manner inconsistent with continued public denial of its existence."

The Bureau does not, by long-standing policy, confirm or deny the existence of any subject in its registry. The Bureau does, however, sometimes nod, off the record.

Special Agent in Charge Pat Briney in his official Bureau portrait.
SAIC P. BRINEY · OFFICIAL PORTRAIT · 2022

II — Subject Registry

The Standing Caseload.

Current as of fiscal year 2026. Registry numbers are sequential and may not be re-used. Subjects withdrawn from active investigation are retained on the registry in perpetuity, by policy.

SAIC Briney crouched beside a subdued Mogollon Monster on the Mogollon Rim. SBJ-001

CLASS · 1A · ENDOTHERMIC · HOMINID-APPROXIMATE

The Mogollon Monster

A.K.A. "the Tonto Tall Walker"

Russet-furred, bipedal, approximately 7 to 8 feet at the shoulder. Habitat: ponderosa pine country at elevations of 6,500–8,000 feet, generally west of Payson and east of the Verde River. The subject is shy but persistently curious; he has, on three separate occasions, returned discarded FCB clipboards to the field camp without comment.

↳ Currently subdued for review under Acquisition Order 4407.6 ("careful, civil, with snacks"). The subject is offered jerky. The subject prefers turkey.

SAIC Briney with a chupacabra specimen in the Sonoran Desert. SBJ-007

CLASS · 2B · REPTILOID · QUADRUPED

The Chupacabra

A.K.A. "the Cabra"

Hairless. Vertically-slitted yellow eyes. Spined dorsal ridge. Approximately 4 feet at the shoulder, 28 inches at the withers, mass varies. Originally believed to be a ranch problem. The Bureau corrected this assumption in summer of 1996, in a series of incidents at the Tohono O'odham–Sonora border. The subject is now classified as a federal interest under Statute 14 USC § 1996(b).

↳ The subject is not, as the Bureau has been repeatedly asked to clarify, an unwell coyote with mange. The Bureau is comfortable with the subject. The subject is not comfortable with the Bureau.

SAIC Briney cradling a jackalope in the FCB Southwest Field Lab. SBJ-014

CLASS · 1B · ENDOTHERMIC · LAGOMORPH-APPROXIMATE

The Jackalope

A.K.A. "Lupus Antilocaprus"

The Bureau's longest-running open file. Subject 014 has been in continuous custody at the Phoenix Field Office since 2003. He is named Henry. He prefers carrot, in moderation. He answers to a small bell. The Bureau does not discuss Henry with the press. The Bureau will, off the record, occasionally circulate photographs.

↳ Temperament rated AFFECTIONATE in continuous quarterly review. Henry is, the Bureau notes in its 2024 annual report, "the best of us."

SAIC Briney shaking hands with a Grey at the Phoenix Lights Commemorative Summit. SBJ-019

CLASS · 4 · EXOGENIC · DIPLOMATICALLY-ENGAGED

The Phoenix Lights Delegation

A.K.A. "the Greys" (informal)

First contact established 13 March 1997, 19:30 MST, over the Estrella Mountains. Formal diplomatic relations have been maintained continuously since 1998 under the Phoenix Lights Memorandum. The Bureau hosts an annual commemorative summit at [LOCATION REDACTED]. The Greys do not eat the catered food. They do, however, appreciate that it is offered.

↳ The Department considers the Phoenix Lights matter RESOLVED. The Greys consider it ONGOING. The two positions are not, the Bureau notes, in conflict.

SAIC Briney mid-action retreat from a Saguaro Stalker in the Sonoran Desert. SBJ-023

CLASS · 3 · PLANT-ORIGIN · AMBULATORY · UNAPPROACHABLE

The Saguaro Stalker

A.K.A. "the Tall Brother"

Discovered, regrettably, by Special Agent in Charge BRINEY in March of 2019, during a routine subject-014 transport. The Stalker is an ambulatory mature saguaro (Carnegiea gigantea ambulans), 12 feet at the apex, with two evidently functional locomotor "legs" formed from its lower trunk. The subject moves only when no one is directly observing it. The Bureau has lost seventeen (17) trail cameras to the subject. The Bureau no longer deploys trail cameras in Pinal County.

↳ Approach posture: DO NOT APPROACH. Recommended response: stand very still. Wait. Pretend you have always been a small rock.

III — Field Operations

Selected Engagements.

The following images were released to the public over the objection of the Office of General Counsel. The Bureau apologises for any operational specifics inadvertently revealed.

SAIC Briney in motion across the Sonoran Desert at dusk, butterfly net in hand. FILE PHOTO · OP. SILENT GOAT
Operation SILENT GOAT · acquisition pursuit, Subject SBJ-007, vicinity of [REDACTED], AZ. Subject ultimately retained in temporary care.
SAIC Briney at the FCB podium with three subjects on stage. FILE PHOTO · STATEMENT 2024-Δ
Joint Public Statement, May 2024. The Bureau speaks. The Department neither confirms nor denies. Three Class-rated subjects appear, by mutual non-arrangement.
Macro close-up of a Federal Cryptid Bureau badge. EVIDENCE PHOTO · BADGE SW-014
Standard-issue Bureau badge. Brushed silver, navy and gold enamel, struck at the [REDACTED] Mint, serial number stamped at point of issue.

IV — Recovered Footage

Bodycam & Field Surveillance.

The following clip was recovered from a corrupted body-camera card found in the Apache-Sitgreaves National Forest on 17 May 2021. The Bureau has authenticated the material. The Bureau has authenticated very little else.

CLIP · FCB-SW · CAM 04 · 6.4 sec · partial recovery · 03/14/19__
A six-second segment recovered from a corrupted body-camera card. Camera operator not identified. The clip has been authenticated by the Bureau's Technical Section. Distant silhouettes in the background classified as SBJ-023 (probable, pair). Bureau response: do not approach. Audio has been intentionally removed.

V — The Office of the Special Agent in Charge

P. Briney, SW-014.

The Special Agent in Charge of the Southwest Field Division has served the Bureau in this capacity since 2014.

SAIC Briney at his desk in the Phoenix Field Office.
SAIC BRINEY · PHOENIX FIELD OFFICE · TUESDAY EVENING

Born in [REDACTED], Arizona. Distinguished graduate, [REDACTED] Academy, 2009. Joined the Bureau in 2011 as a junior reconnaissance officer, Sonoran Desert sector. Promoted to Special Agent in 2013 following the events at the Mogollon Rim now collectively referred to as "the Long Tuesday."

Holds the Bureau's only Beard Compliance Waiver, granted by the Office of the Director in 2017 (the matter has been reviewed three times; the waiver stands). Recipient of the Department of the Interior Commendation for Sustained Composure (2020, 2022, 2025).

SAIC Briney's office is open by appointment, Tuesdays and Thursdays. The Bureau cannot guarantee that the office can be found.

↳ The Bureau accepts no liability for visitors who report being followed home by a saguaro that "definitely wasn't there the first time."

VI — Standing Public Notices

For Public Reference.

The Bureau publishes the following standing notices as a matter of public service. The notices are not subject to recall.

  1. N° 01 The Department neither confirms nor denies the existence of any subject in the registry.
  2. N° 02 The Bureau does not currently accept tips submitted by mail, telephone, fax, in person, by carrier pigeon, by smoke signal, or through dreams.
  3. N° 03 Subject SBJ-014 ("Henry") is not available for visits, photographs, or media engagements. Inquiries to the contrary will be politely declined.
  4. N° 04 The lights observed over the Phoenix metropolitan area on 13 March 1997 are RESOLVED. The matter has been resolved continuously since 1997.
  5. N° 05 The Bureau's "Beard Compliance Waiver" applies only to the Special Agent in Charge. All other field personnel must remain in compliance with Federal Beard Standard 14-Δ.
  6. N° 06 If you believe you have been followed home by a saguaro that "definitely wasn't there the first time," the Bureau recommends the following: stand very still; wait; pretend you have always been a small rock.
  7. N° 07 The Department of Justice has issued no opinion on whether subjects in the registry possess Fifth Amendment rights. The Bureau, in the interim, treats them as if they do.
  8. N° 08 The Bureau's decommissioned ice cream truck is not, the Bureau wishes to confirm, currently in service. It is being held for operational reasons.

VII — Public Inquiries

FOIA & Correspondence.

The Bureau processes Freedom of Information Act requests within 180 business days, by statute, when feasible. The Bureau notes, in fairness, that "feasible" is a term subject to internal review.

[ FOIA / official ]

[email protected]
Subject line must begin "FOIA REQUEST · SW-".

[ press inquiries ]

[email protected]
Reviewed by the Office of General Counsel before reply, which is to say: not soon.

[ sightings ]

The Bureau does not currently accept sighting reports.
If you must, please notify the local sheriff's office. They will not believe you. The Bureau will eventually hear of it.

[ matters concerning Henry ]

Henry is well.
Henry sends his regards. Henry does not require visitors.

The Bureau thanks the public for its sustained, non-specific interest in the work of the Southwest Field Division. We will continue to pursue that which does not exist.